Rush-That-Speaks (rushthatspeaks) wrote,

He is not my President. He will never be my President.

I have to have some kind of dream for the future. At this point, I'm basically like 'let's hope we can get through this and make a progressive future afterwards' because honestly, the world surviving seems so totally fucking unlikely that-- it's like, if every single desire I could have about the future is a pipe dream, I might as well ask for a pony, too, y'know? I have set my sights on the ludicrously good because otherwise I will stop getting out of bed in the morning, which is not, in my circumstances, acceptable.

But somebody I know committed suicide as a direct result of this election, and the descriptions of bigotry and aggression and violence are already pouring in from all over the country.

So, if it ever seems to you that I am coming down too hard on saying 'let's hope we can get through this and make a progressive future afterwards', let me know; I don't want to minimize anyone's very real pain and fear, and I see how talking about hopeful pipe dreams can look that way. Believe me, I know that people are already dying, and that more of them are going to die.

I'm wearing a visible safety pin tomorrow, and from now on, and I will do my damnedest to live up to it as a symbol of solidarity. I'm also going to write to the Republican electors, in the states where their votes aren't automatically invalidated if they vote differently from their party line, and flat-out beg them to at least throw the election to the House so we can have somebody who doesn't consider nuclear war to be on the table. I expect this to do precisely nothing, but it's something to do. And I'm signing the various petitions and whatnot in favor of abolishing the electoral college, which has now produced a winner who did not take the popular vote in two of the last five elections. I also expect this to do precisely nothing, but, again, something to do.

I think I believe right now, on a pretty deep level, that the country is over, and we're all just walking around waiting for reality to catch up.

But what I'm going to act as though I believe is the pipe dream, because fuck it, I'll be more useful to everybody else if that's what I base my actions on, the pretense of hope instead of the certainty of doom.

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I'm wearing a safety pin as I type this. I still have most of a package; maybe I'll just put a safety pin on every shirt and jacket I own.

Believe what you need to believe to keep moving and stay functional. Collapsing into despair wouldn't be helpful.

Here's the song that got me out of bed Thursday morning and made me write it:
Still Here

Just came back from a demonstration. Feel so helpless.

But what I'm going to act as though I believe is the pipe dream, because fuck it, I'll be more useful to everybody else if that's what I base my actions on, the pretense of hope instead of the certainty of doom.

Makes sense to me. It's the paradox of being suicidal and behaving as though you have a future: it's a decision, not a faith. But it gets things done.



November 13 2016, 05:29:18 UTC 3 years ago

Hi! I tried to comment just now but I think LJ swallowed it -- really longtime fan of your blog, and I don't have a LJ so this comment will have to be anonymous unfortunately. A bunch of friends and I are organizing a data-gathering initiative where we're maintaining a log of all the GOP electors and their e-mails, mailing addresses, political preferences, et cetera... We're working on collecting that info and then drafting buckets of letters to the electors, making personalized cases to them for throwing their vote. We started a couple of days ago, but I've been worrying a little bit that other people out there might be doing the same thing, and I don't want us all to do double-work for no reason... I would really love to share this list with you. (You are also free to edit and contribute to the growing list, and that would be amazing if you have the time and energy to do so, 'cos we can use all the help we can get -- but that is not required! At the very least I would be happy to know that I'd saved you some research time.)

If you are comfortable doing so, would you like to e-mail me at I'll fill you in on all the detail via e-mail and then can share the doc with you if you're on-board. (The e-mail I'm providing is not my main personal e-mail, but it is an e-mail I feel comfortable sharing online... And I would be happy to talk a bit more by e-mail first to reassure you that I'm a real person and stuff -- I feel like it is very prudent to take enormous caution with strangers online and especially these days.)
I don't endorse trying to flip electors,* but the constitutionality of those state automatic invalidation laws is probably not settled, do if you're doing this you might as well write 'em all.

I haven't lost anyone to this yet, but I have this awkward feeling that it's only a matter of time. I had my first serious experience of awkwardly trying to serve as a friend's impromptu suicide call line** a couple of nights ago. I'm sure it won't be the last.

*Mainly because I think that if it succeeds it is more likely to precipitate a coup or civil war than it is to result in the peaceful installation of a different president, and if it gets to be a serious thing but ultimately fails it will just be more political fodder for the fascists' ‘the system is rigged against us’ narrative that is helping to make all this shit politically viable in the first place.

**I'm not qualified to do this. They messaged me that they'd called Trans Lifeline and it was over capacity and I was sort of thinking on my feet.